Did You Hear The One About The Marriage Wrecker?

Rosie Kay aka ThisKindaGirl
5 min readJun 6, 2023


‘Single Women In The Lifestyle Are Marriage Wreckers’

‘Single Women In The Lifestyle Are Marriage Wreckers’

So this particular slice of slur pie was served to me as a comment left on one of my Thiskindagirl TikTok videos.

And I’ll be honest. Initially, I had the thought, ‘You don’t need to be in the lifestyle to wreck a marriage; you can do that without ever setting foot in a swingers club.’

But, I refrained. Instead, I kept my composure, jotted down the slur in question and added it to my long list of slurs-to-do.

And when I put my hand in that jar this morning, it was the marriage wrecker slur that I plucked out and placed, rather unwillingly (we don’t ‘do’ negative slurs here at TKG as they make the place look messy), on my desk.

To tidy it up, I will dissect it, intellectualise it, and share my experiences of single women I have met in the lifestyle. I might also talk about my experiences as a ‘marriage wrecker’.

Yes. Really.

Relationship Insecurity

I hate to break this to you, the person who wrote the slur, but if you believe that single women in the lifestyle can wreck marriages, then your shoddy marriage is partly to blame. Because let’s face it, if you were rock solid, both on board with the lifestyle couple who cherished your relationship and worked hard at maintaining it whilst also enjoying the journey you are on together, then it wouldn’t crack the minute a unicorn poked her horn in.

Becuase here’s the thing, serious swinger couples hate drama, are usually pretty grounded and, in most circumstances, are pretty unshakable.

They have established rules and boundaries, work to protect their relationship and don’t allow ‘outside influences’ to influence them as they know this isn’t the answer.

The answer is that they have the cake, eat all the other cakes on offer and go home with the cake they started with whilst feeling full from all those other tasty cakes they have enjoyed.

If you don’t subscribe to this and succumb to what we call ‘unethical non-monogamy, i.e. doing things the wrong way, then yes, chances are that a single woman, if she too doesn’t practice ethical non-monogamy, might just be a contributing factor to your relationship breaking down.

Why are single men not treated this way?

Why do people associate marriage wrecking with single women?

Why do we associate loose morals, debauchery and immorality with females who don’t wish to be in relationships?


Becuase it’s easier to blame the single female than to look at your shortcomings.

‘She led me astray’ ‘She wrecked this marriage.’

No, you chose to put your dick in her, and you decided to act deceitfully.

In my experience, when discussing marriage wreckers, single men in the lifestyle rarely get tarnished with the same brush.

Is this because women in relationships who swing don’t find their heads turned so easily? Or because men find it easier to separate love and sex and thus reduce the amount of emotional connection with said swinger woman? (Hmmm, I could be onto something there)

Or is it simply another example of sex-shaming women? I want to get into this topic and go deep, but I won’t right now. Instead, I’ll add it to my slur jar to return to when I’m feeling particularly spicy.

Are single women in the lifestyle really marriage wreckers

I remember a few years ago, I was chatting to a single female swinger. She had attended the party alone and was nervous about approaching couples as she identified as straight and was concerned she would continuously get turned down.

We spoke for quite a while, and although she was nervous, I could tell she was secure in who she was; she knew what she wanted and was not looking for any drama. To hear this was very reassuring! Plus, the fact that she was so open with me was quite an attractive quality!

I asked her if she would like to join my partner and me in a private playroom, and she agreed. Although I prefer to play with Bisexual women and couples, involving a straight female was perfectly enjoyable on this occasion. Plus, I called the shots, which made me feel much more comfortable about the situation.

This single lady may have all the classic traits of a ‘marriage wrecker.’

Single female? Check

Looking to be intimate with a male in a relationship? Check

Confident and secure in her sexuality? Check

But she had no interest in or intention of causing any kind of disruption to my relationship or anyone else.

Quite simply, she was there for the sex. And once that was over, she didn’t move onto stage two of her master plan to steal someone’s boyfriend. Instead, she got dressed, re-applied her lipstick and headed back to the bar.

What I have learnt whilst being a single female swinger.

Swinging empowers women. Regardless of how you like to have sex and with whom you like to have it. When you take charge of your sexual desires and facilitate your fantasies, you become empowered.

Women who enjoy swinging know that within the lifestyle, they can explore and experiment with couples and singles and be selfish whilst doing so.

Sex with a couple in a swingers club on a Saturday night? This type of play offers low investment, low emotional involvement fun. Everyone gets what they want, and no ‘damage’ is done. Why? Because she doesn’t go to the club looking for Mr right, she goes looking for the right experience for that night.

Single women who swing understand how the lifestyle works, and if they practise ethical non-monogamy and respect the boundaries of a couple whilst also implementing their own, they are, in my opinion, hot property!

If a woman is a single swinger, she knows what she wants and doesn’t wait for the right person to come along. She fulfils her own sexual needs and desires and, through swinging, becomes more sexually confident than she ever thought possible.

My experience of being a marriage wrecker

Yes, you read that correctly.

There was a time, and it was a very long time ago, way before I’d even heard the word swinger, that I was the ‘marriage wrecker’.

And as you can well imagine, I was made to feel an enormous amount of remorse for MY actions. As a naive 19-year-old, I felt shame and embarrassment and was on the receiving end of some pretty harsh criticism.

Did I deserve it? Maybe.

Did the man in question (much older than me and in a position of authority) receive any backlash?


Did I realise what I was doing at the time? Yea.

Did I give a fuck? Not really.

On reflection, I now see the guy’s actions as irresponsible and deceitful and that he was hugely insecure, and if you display these traits, then chances are you will allow a hot young thing in leather to wreck your marriage because you are actively doing nothing to maintain that relationship.

But blaming it all on the woman?

Shut the front door!

Did I ‘wreck this marriage?’ not really; after a few weeks, the fizz dried up, and he went limping back to his wife, his dick in one hand and a bunch of flowers in the other.



Rosie Kay aka ThisKindaGirl

💕Swinger Lifestyle Expert 💯Open Relationship Coach 🗝️Unlock The Lifestyle With Me 👇🏻Use the link to start your journey https://thiskindagirl.co.uk/links/