Have you ever been to a BBC party; Is it wrong to fetishise someone’s race?

Rosie Kay aka ThisKindaGirl
5 min readMar 30, 2023


I have a friend, and I will refer to her as A for this particular piece of content, which promises to be taboo, thought-provoking and non-pc. Just what we like here at thiskindagirl.

And here’s the thing, A likes black men. In fact, she prefers black men over other races. She’s not afraid to admit it either and has asked me more than once about my thoughts on ‘BBC’ parties and where she can find them. (she’s a curious cat)

Now, it’s not that she is racist toward other races; she finds men of a certain skin tone more appealing than others. She can’t change it; she can’t force herself to find other people desirable. She likes what she likes.

But my question is this, is it wrong to fetishise someone’s race? And whilst I’m asking this question, I want also to ask, is it wrong to fetishise someone’s weight or body type? Is it wrong to fetishise a particular hair colour, age or sexuality?

I have mixed thoughts on all these questions, and due to the fact that BBW, BBC, bisexual, and milf are all types of events found on the swinger scene, I want to explore whether it’s right or wrong to turn something that cannot be changed such as race, or sexuality or to some extent body type into a fetish, and what do the people who attend these parties feel about them being ‘fetishised?’ (I include myself in the bisexual category)

Wait, Rosie, what are all these terms?

Ok, before we get started, here’s a quick guide:

BBW- Big Beautiful Women

BBC- Big Black Cock

Bisexual Parties- swinger parties that are open to both bisexual men and women

Milf- Mum I’d Like To F3ck

Milf and Cookie- Same as above, but with the addition of the cookie- the young man who wants to do the f3cking.

I’m asking all these questions because a few weeks ago, I was a guest on a fellow content creator and podcasters TikTok. Cate at Wanderlust Swingers asked me to join her for an hour-long chat on all things swinger from the female perspective, and we got onto the topic of whether is it wrong to fetishise race.

During the Live, we were joined by another female swinger, calling herself Miss K, who raised the question with us, and we proceeded to have a damn good discussion about it, kind of like the UK TV show loose women, but a hell of a lot more candid and without the ex EastEnders actresses.

Miss K was a great addition to the live and admitted that as a larger lady, she was appalled at the fact that some clubs offer events for BBW and felt that surely all people of all sizes should be able to attend any party they wish.

Cate, and I, to some extent, agreed and added that the fact that many parties catered for all sexualities, genders, body types and ages meant that surely the world of swinger parties was more inclusive now. And the fact that clubs recognise that bisexual men or people who feel more comfortable around other people of the same size was a good thing, no?

No, according to Miss K, who made a really good point in saying that when clubs host ‘specialised nights,’ they could potentially make people feel as though there’s not place for them at the other ‘normal’ events. And it’s wrong to view someone’s size or race as a fetish and a novelty.

I see her point. She asked me, if a woman is a size 20, does that mean she can’t attend a party on a Saturday night? Is she only welcome at the BBW party? I said no, she could attend other events should she wish to.

She replied by asking then why do clubs host these types of events then?

Well, maybe because some people enjoy them and feel more comfortable attending them.

Regardless of the party type, Bi, BBW or over a certain age, I believe if there weren’t a market for them, clubs wouldn’t host them.

Having attended some Bisexual parties; with a previous male partner who was also Bisexual, he told me that he felt a lot more comfortable going to Bi nights, as firstly, he didn’t have to explain to other men he was Bi (it was kind of a given if you were a guest at the party) and secondly, he could relax a lot more.

As for my friend A, when I asked her for her thoughts, she said it would be a waste of her time and money to go to a ‘regular’ club night as only certain types of men do it for her…again, I see her point. Is she wrong for liking who she likes? Is she wrong for only wanting to seek out a relationship with men of a certain colour? Hell no! We are all different, and our preferences are as individual as we are.

So what can I do as a content creator to make the world of ethical Non-Monogamy a more inclusive place?

I should start by perhaps making content, especially content that includes images, such as the posts for my social media and pictures within articles such as this one, more inclusive of all races, body types, ages and sexualities to demonstrate that yes, there is a place for you within the world of swinging. I think using more realistic images would go a long way to show people that they can attend regular parties and don’t have to feel as though the only place for them is an event where they as a person, will be fetishised.

I have limited experience of feeling like a novelty item at a ‘specialised’ or more ‘niche’ event, but I think this is partly due to the fact that I am a small, bisexual, white woman (there I said it) and in many ways, I fit the fantasy aesthetic for women in swinger clubs; although I have been called a milf on several occasions.

What Do You Think?

Have you experienced any of the above? Or are you suddenly feeling guilty for wanting to? It’s okay; we all have our own desires, people we find attractive, and turn on and turn offs. And as demonstrated by my friend A, you shouldn’t apologise for liking who you like. It doesn’t make her ‘racist’ for not finding certain types of men attractive or wrong for finding certain men more appealing than others.



Rosie Kay aka ThisKindaGirl

💕Swinger Lifestyle Expert 💯Open Relationship Coach 🗝️Unlock The Lifestyle With Me 👇🏻Use the link to start your journey https://thiskindagirl.co.uk/links/