How To Enjoy Swinging As A Single Man
How To Be A SUCCESSFUL Male Swinger from thiskindagirl
Dear Thiskindagirl,
How do I deal with the stigma attached to male swingers? I think many men feel they portray the image of greedy sex seekers. How do I deal with this stigma?
Firstly, we have to look at what stereotype is being conjured up. After all, why is it that some single men portray the image of greedy sex seekers? Sadly, from my own experiences of parties, I can say that there have been a lot of men who I have encountered who, unfortunately, have fitted this description. The men who lurk in the shadows, waiting, wanking and watching without ever saying a word. If you act like this, then I am afraid you will fall subject to being labelled a creepy horny sex seeker. It’s these men who sadly have given genuine single male swingers a bad rap. And unfortunately, these creepers are all too common!
I know that not all men who swing act like this and they certainly don’t want to be tarnished with the same brush.
So how do we change this stereotype?
You rise above it and demonstrate that yes, your a swinger, yes your a single guy, but no, your not horny and desperate to have sex with everyone. You have standards, and you are willing to jump through a few hoops in order to attend a party. You can hold a great conversation; you’re charismatic you’re fun, you’re flirtatious. You are a real swinger catch, and you would never lurk outside a curtain in a swingers club on the off chance of getting involved because you don’t need to.
When you are met with negative stereotypes, challenge them. If a single guy says to me ‘you think I’m like all the rest? Let me show you I’m different’
I would be instantly intrigued.
If you present yourself from the offset as being a cut above, someone who knows what they want, a man who is secure in his sexuality and is confident; how you are perceived either online or at an event will change dramatically. Don’t let the stigma define you; challenge it. If people expect you to be one way or another, demonstrate to them that you are the exact opposite.
What Are Couples Looking For In A Single Male Swinger?
I could write here about how you need to be freshly showered and well dressed. But I’m not going to. Because if you have any sense, which I’m pretty sure you do, you will of realised that already! Instead, I’m going to talk about character traits, safe sex, and what type of guy couples are usually looking for.
It’s imperative to remember serious swinger couples are part of a team and should be approached as one. I have seen guys waiting for an opportunity to approach the woman in private, (often when she is on the way to the bathroom or at the bar) to then suddenly decide that this is the perfect time to then engage in conversation with her. Whilst she is away from the clutches of her husband or boyfriend. Guys, this technique isn’t going to work. Show some respect to both parties and don’t do this! If you want to play with a couple then you have to be prepared to talk to them both, not just the woman. Be respectful, always. Odds are, she will return to her partner only to recall how she was just approached by ‘some guy’. Don’t be that guy!
When you see a swinger couple who you like the look of, before you even go and talk to them, you need to shift the focus away from the end result! What do I mean by this? By shifting the direction, you take the pressure off yourself and can relax and engage with a couple naturally. This really works by the way! Stop thinking and overthinking about the outcome, and just enjoy chatting. If you present yourself as an outgoing, chatty, confident person, who doesn’t even mention the word sex, then you will get much further! Why? Because you demonstrate to them you are secure; you are outgoing, you are approachable. If they like you, which I’m sure they will, their minds will already go somewhere more intimate. All you have to do is show them you aren’t like the other guys; you have confidence and charm. And that my friends is very sexy indeed!
Instead of diving straight in with sex talk, ask them about what experiences they have had in the lifestyle as a whole? What do they enjoy outside the world of swinging? And how long have they been together as a couple? It’s essential to build up a rapport and establish trust. All too often, single guys get their approach all wrong, and this lands them with nothing. Likewise, don’t settle for a couple just because they say yes. Are you going to enjoy sex with them? If you are not at all vanilla and they are, then chances are, you probably won’t connect. If they are heavily into cuckolding, and want you to participate, then do some research first as to what that entails, before you are included in any playtime!
Think this won’t work? I have used this technique myself when approaching women and couples, and you know what? It works!
Going back to what I said earlier about the negative stereotypes of single guys in the swinger lifestyle. Once you have been accepted for a club or event, this doesn’t mean it is then smooth sailing once you get inside. You still have to put in the effort. I think sometimes guys attend parties and wrongly believe the hard work is done. Just because you have paid to attend, it doesn’t automatically mean you will get a slice of the action. That is down to you and how you interact.
