I’m a swinger lifestyle ambassador, but I’m fed up with hearing this one question.

I’m a swinger lifestyle ambassador, but I’m fed up with hearing this one question.

People write to me all the time. Which, up until very recently, I have been thrilled with.

Inbox: One New Message!

Oh goodie! Another person is asking for my help!

But over recent weeks, I have begun to despair with what I have received, and it has had me questioning my work, content, and my all-important swinger lifestyle knowledge.

Here’s what happened…

Two years ago, I decided that helping people to start swinging successfully would become my full-time job. I wasn’t sure exactly how it would become my full-time occupation, but I knew people out there needed my help, and I had a story (my own life story) to share with them.

I decided my first endeavour would be to write a blog, and so thiskindagirl.co.uk was born. I began sharing with the world my experiences of the swinger lifestyle, the obstacles I had overcome, the situations I had been in and the people I had met. In those first articles I created, I poured my heart out and wrote exactly how I felt when I started swinging and how I first came to be involved in the swinger lifestyle.

In the months that followed, I began adding more and more articles, I started reviewing events and creating guides. And then, I decided to retrain as a relationship counsellor to start offering my services as an open relationship coach and non-monogamy expert.

It was all going tickerty boo!

People asked me for advice, and I was readily answering and creating guides and downloadable resources.

‘There!’

I thought as I clicked upload to an article proudly titled How To Start Swinging; I have given the people what they want — all the answers straight from the source.

I even made YouTube videos to accompany the said article and created social media content that gave people the answers condensed down. I sat back in my chair in my office, feeling accomplished.

But then I noticed something.

I was still being sent the same questions. Day after day after day. And it had me questioning my content. Was I not making it obvious? Is my message too confusing? Am I completely missing the mark? Have I wasted the last two years of my life?

You Can Lead A Horse To Water…

You know that saying, don’t you? Of course you do.

And this week, that is exactly how I feel; only the horses are people who follow me on TikTok, and the water is my content. Or, to be more precise, the first-time swinger guides I make are the water.

Ok, I’ll set the scene; so you have a better understanding of what it is I mean.

Most days, I post videos to my TikTok channel and also to my Instagram. And, to be fair to Instagram users, the message I send to them seems to get across.

Like this? Want more of my help and advice? Check out my site thiskindagirl.co.uk and find out how I can help you.

And most of the time, they do.

However, with TikTok, it’s an entirely different story.

I’ll make a video on ‘How To Start Swinging’ or ‘How To Find Swinger Clubs’, and I will get message after message that says ‘but how do I start? or ‘are there clubs near me?’ or ‘how can I go?’

And then, I’ll make another video that aims to answer these questions, and low and behold, the pattern is repeated.

It is beginning to get on my nerves.

I have created the articles, written the guides, reviewed the clubs and explained how to use the swinger dating sites; I’ve even launched my own genuine swinger community!

If you want to get involved in the swinger lifestyle, then you can’t fail to miss the neon sign directing you to thiskindagirl.co.uk; If I could have air traffic control directing people in, I would.

Swinger Lifestyle, HERE

I have repeated the message, told them what to do, showed them where to find what they want, and still, they just don’t get it.

Or maybe they don’t have what it takes?

Or maybe it is me who doesn’t get it?

Or maybe it’s both?

Maybe it’s me who expects too much of people? Perhaps I’m too eccentric, and maybe I should be more sympathetic?

Maybe I’m too much, and by assuming that other people are of a similar mindset, perhaps I’m simply frustrating myself?

I asked my marketing manager; she told me this. (shes Polish, if you imagine the accent, it sounds so matter of fact)

‘Rosie, these guys, what they want from you? You take them by the cock and lead them to swinger club? No, you make the content, you make the guides, they got grow big balls now.’

She’s not wrong. What else do people want from me? That I take them by the hand and lead them to a swingers club? Give them a little push through the door and tell them not to spend all their money at once?

‘Be a good boy, now off you go.’

Well, you can laugh, but it would appear that, yes, this is what people want. And this mentality is something I find hard to understand.

There is no difference between the next person and me.

I wasn’t born with the natural ability to understand the world of Ethical non-monogamy. I don’t possess a superpower to ace my way through the swinger lifestyle. I had to learn the hard way.

Unlike the people who reached out to me, there was no Rosie Kay to ask for advice, no guide to follow, and no community to join. Everything I have learned, I have done so by trial and error, and when I became a single swinger, I was back to square one all over again!

So no, there is no difference, yet people act like there is. Sure, it is easier for women in the swinger lifestyle, as generally, we are better received.

However, finding clubs, visiting them alone, looking online for other swingers, putting myself out there and taking the risk, I still had to do all this! And I did it, without help, without guidance, without support.

So why, when I offer all these things to people who want to start swinging, do they still struggle?

I think it frustrates me because I’m self-reliant, independent and self-sufficient. If I want something, I get it. If I want to go somewhere, I do it. If I want to meet someone, I ask them out, and if I’m in a swinger club where I don’t know anyone, I introduce myself!

I make life happen, not because I’m Rosie Kay, open relationship coach, but because I’m Rosie Kay, who learnt long ago that the worst thing you can do is wait for life to happen to you. Because it never does.

You can only do what you want in life and not what is expected of you.

I believe this so passionately that it has become something of my mantra.

I try to impart this onto people who reach out to me; I’m enthusiastic, passionate, and sincere.

‘You can start in the swinger lifestyle; look, this is how it is done’

‘I created this guide for you because I know how difficult it can be when starting swinging.’

and

‘There is no reason why you can’t get involved, but you have to know where to look; let me help you’

So when I’m sent the same questions, day after day after day, it leaves me thinking, ‘why are you finding it so hard?’

But the reality is that not everyone sees life as I do.

And this is something I have to accept. Albeit begrudgingly.

I can lead the horses to the water, but I can not make them drink.

Even though I feel like screaming, ‘I didn’t go through 10 years of swinger lifestyle trial and error to have you still ask me how I can find swingers? Here’s the god damn water, now drink it!’

Now what I’m going to say next sounds harsh, but go with me, ok?

So to be a successful swinger, you have got to have a little something extra. Now I’m not talking about anything physical here; I’m talking about your mentality, how you see life, your zest, your inner confidence, your spark. And in most cases, the people who leave the same comments on my content, in the hope that I’m going to virtually spoon-feed them, appear to be lacking in the ‘zest for life’ department.

However, not everyone is like this, and those who want my help and possess the all-important zest are the ones who listen to what I’m saying..they end up in my TKG Club!

Because for those of us who do get it, I have created something special.

There are two reasons I created TKG Club. The first reason was that many people asked me, ‘how can we meet genuine swingers?’ So very simply, I decided to create a space for genuine swingers by genuine swingers.

The members of the TKG Club all have one thing in common, they all have a genuine interest in Ethical Non-Monogamy. Some are couples looking to start on their swinger journey, some are single people who want to discover more about clubs and parties, and some members are interested in other forms of Ethical Non-Monogamy such as having open relationships. Regardless of who they are, they have a genuine interest. They aren’t there to waste your time. They want to meet other swingers and dive deep into the world of Ethical Non-Monogamy.

How do I know they are genuine? Well, as it’s a paid members club, only people who are serious about swinging sign up.

They want to be involved and are the types of people who don’t wait for life to happen; they make it happen for them!

The second reason I created TKG Club was that I wanted a place where I could bring people together who share my passion for all things ENM and who are enthusiastic, bold, and brave in their own skin. Those people whose zest for life has sometimes gotten them in trouble or perhaps has made it hard for them to be themselves in the past. I created TKG Club so we could have a place to call home.

In TKG Club, we ‘get’ one another and see life in a similar light.

Serious Swingers don’t wait for life to happen to them; they make life happen for them.

But what about the guides? I hear you ask, have they been stashed away on a shelf to gather dust like a charger for a mobile phone you no longer have, but for some reason, you keep hold of it anyway?

No way! They are bold and beautiful and ready to have a curious eye cast on them!

Ok, so maybe this article has been a little ranty… but you made it this far, so I’ll use my powers of deduction and hazard a guess that you feel me?

Don’t get me wrong. I love being TKG. I love making the guides, coaching my clients and watching people’s relationships evolve as they discover the world of Ethical Non-Monogamy.

I also know that I have to take the rough with the smooth, and that I am the minority and that most people don’t see life as I do. But for those that do, oh boy, there’s so much to discover!