Is Male Chastity Allowed In Swinger Clubs?

Rosie Kay aka ThisKindaGirl
7 min readAug 1, 2023

Is Male Chastity Allowed In Swinger Clubs?

Recently, I received a question from a TKG Club member who was curious about male chastity within the swinger lifestyle, and they went on to share with members a scenario they would like to experience with their wife. I read both the question submitted and the scenario they posted, and here for you is my response. Is Male Chastity Allowed In Swinger Clubs is drawn from my experiences of being th a Domme and a Swinger.

I have caged a few men in my time, with varying degrees of severity.

First things first, however, I want to share with you the scenario, as later in this article, I will explore how chastity can be a useful ‘tool’ for a relationship if practised ethically.

They wrote:

I love the idea of going caged and watching my wife do whatever she pleases with whoever she wants.

She would love it, too, as she doesn’t have to worry about people playing with me.

What is male chastity?

When we think of the word ‘chastity’ very often, we think of the middle ages of medieval England, where young maidens were ‘locked in chastity’ to prevent them from becoming ‘unvirtuous’ before marriage. According to experts, there’s not a lot of evidence to suggest that this happened, but one thing that we can be sure of (that I can talk about from personal experience) is male chastity.

From cock cages to locks and keys to chastity belts and smart devices controlled by an app, male chastity is now a THING, and it’s a lot more popular than you might have realised.

Male chastity removes the man’s ability to have sex using a chastity device, which is often a physical cage.

My Experience Of Male Chastity

It should come as no surprise that as a dominant woman, who previously has played the role of Domme in a D/s dynamic relationship, I have caged a few men in my time, with varying degrees of severity.

Some have been taken to swinger clubs, caged and have remained caged for the duration of the party. Others have been caged during the party, in full view of others (public humiliation aspects coming into play there) and one gentleman didn’t even make it to the party as he was caged, bound and left at home!

All the time, he was watching, caged and humiliated.

Male chastity is something that I have used both whilst swinging and also in relationships when we haven’t been swinging. Some submissive partners I’ve had have been quite happily ‘caged’ for 12 hours a day while I have been out at work, unsure whether I’d be back to release them.

The Time I Left A Guy Shackled and Caged In A Club.

A while ago, I visited a swingers club with a submissive male partner who had previously expressed his desire to be tied up in a club whilst being caged. This particular club had impressive dungeon facilities, and he soon found himself shackled to the wall. I stood beside him and undid his shirt and belt buckle; he felt hy hands brush against the metal cage and gasped.

Tugging at his waistband, I pulled down his jeans to expose his cock tightly padlocked inside its cage. I took a few steps back and admired my work. A couple approached me, and the woman asked if she could play with me; I pulled her in towards me, and we made our way to the play area directly in front of him.

All the time, he was watching, caged and humiliated.

Consent and Male Chastity

Now this scenario sounds like the guy in question didn’t have a say and that he was entirely at my mercy; what a cruel mistress I was. But here’s the reality: He came to me expressing his desire to experience this kind of play, and the D/s dynamic was one that we lived pretty much 24/7. We spoke about safety, rules, and boundaries and had a safe word.

It was agreed that I would only engage with others ‘in front’ of him, partly due to the thrill of him watching but also because I felt safer doing so. The whole scene was pre-planned and discussed as much as possible beforehand.

If you want to cook up something similar, you must do the same. Consent and communication are key ingredients in any successful swinger, kink, BDSM or fetish situation. Without prioritising these two, I would not have felt confident to make the fantasy a reality.

How It Can Be a Liberating Tool In A Relationship

There are two sides to discuss when looking at how male chastity can be liberating, and you may be surprised at what you are about to read.

using a cage as a ‘crutch’ as a means of masking your insecurities will not be helpful

Once home, I asked my male partner what he enjoyed about the whole ‘cock cage’ thing? He told me this:

‘as a man, I sometimes feel we have so much responsibility and expectation placed upon us that suddenly having that taken away is hugely liberating. When men are present, especially in the swingers club dynamic, other males are in ‘competition’ with you. As men, we are expected to take the lead, be dominant, and perform, and even outside of this, men are usually expected to instigate sex.

To have that obligation taken away from oneself both in a club setting and in private is liberating, and it takes the pressure of feeling like I have to perform. I don’t have to play yet another dominant role, which is very refreshing. I don’t have to worry about ‘is she enjoying this? Am I doing this right? Is the other woman enjoying it?’

I can take a back seat, safe in the knowledge that you are having a good time, and that gives me satisfaction and calm’

Well, who would have thought it?

Initially, I was pretty surprised at his answer, but when I gave it more thought, I realised all the roles he played, and yes, I could see how he could find it liberating, much in the same way that I had previously found it liberating to be submissive; in effect, no thoughts, do what I’m told.

Female liberation goes hand in hand with male chastity, but I’m not referring to locking him up and throwing away the key. For me to explain this side of the dynamic, I’m going to draw from the scenario that was shared with me.

She would love it, too, as she doesn’t have to worry about people playing with me.

She doesn’t have to worry about people playing with me.

This, right here, is something that I can resonate with. Let us talk for a minute about another form of entrapment.

I desperately wanted to play and get involved in the lifestyle, but simultaneously was terrified of someone running off with my partner. When we swung and swapped, I was on edge and anxious about another woman stealing my man. This improved over time, and I found implementing male chastity play helpful.

I didn’t realise it then, but using a cock cage is a huge boost to your self-esteem. Knowing he is locked in his cage, offers one peace of mind. And within the context of a swingers party, it can be a great tool.

It’s not something that I would recommend to all women ‘Lock him up, and you will never have to worry about him straying again’, but in the context of a party and within the right relationship dynamic; a D/s one where you have discussed your rules and boundaries, a cock cage might provide the ‘key holder’ with added reassurance.

Obviously, it’s not a permanent fixture (unless he really, really wants it to be), but it can provide women with a sense of security. And I see it in the scenario shared.

This concern has been verbalised by the female party of this couple, and he’s quite right; she wouldn’t have to worry.

My own experience of female liberation is quite similar to this, and even when we weren’t in a swingers club, him wearing the cage at home and me having the key in my possession was quite thrilling and, yep, you guessed it, liberating.

One final note I’d like to share is that whilst using a cock cage or male chastity device can be hugely satisfying and kinky for both parties involved, using the cage as a ‘crutch’ as a means of masking your insecurities will not be helpful.

It’s only fun and sexy if you can have a relationship where you can trust one another without needing a metal device on your knob.

My advice, have this type of relationship first, one built on trust, honesty and communication, and when you can do that, you can start introducing a cock cage.

Why do I say this? Sadly, not that long ago, I had a conversation with a woman who was adamant that a cock cage was ‘the only solution’ to ensure her partner didn’t cheat on her. If you are that insecure, it’s not a cage you need; it’s support.

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Rosie Kay aka ThisKindaGirl

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