I’ve Been A Self Employed Sex Blogger For Year; Here Are 5 Things I have Discovered I Suck At (no pun intended)
A year ago, I said goodbye to my life as I knew it.
I packed up my flat, gave up my already successful career and left the city.
I went from being a single girl in London (tinder/ swinger clubs/ good salary and city centre flat) to a single girl living up north… (er… tinder… is there anyone there?)
I swapped my Friday night drinks for Friday nights in my office and my Kurt Geigers for my wellies.
Why?
Because to launch my own business, I had to make some serious sacrifices! Not only did I have to do this, but I also had to become educated in how to be self-employed. I’m not talking about HMRC either (that’s another minefield!) What I’m talking about is how to run a business…and oversee all areas of that business to ensure its success.
So how did I start this education?
I did what every other #blogger #influencer #bossbabe does, and I looked at social media. I don’t need to tell you that this was my first big mistake!
We all know that when we see influencers, entrepreneurs, and self-made women on social media, we only see the final, polished product, who are usually now selling their coaching courses.
I now appreciate the absolute shit fight these people have gone through to get where they are, and I fully understand why they only show 30% of their journey (the end bit where they are in their plush apartment talking about how they make 20k a month). Why? Because the struggle is real, guys and girls, and here are five things I have discovered I suck at during my first year as a self-employed sex blogger.
Let’s do this!
Selling.
I rather naively thought I would be good at selling.
I’m not; in fact, I’m terrible at it. Ok, well, maybe I’m not terrible. But it is undoubtedly something that doesn’t come naturally to me, which you may find surprising. After all, if you have seen any of my video content or listened to me, you will know that confidence is not something I struggle with; I have been told I’m engaging, warm, and funny. But when it comes to applying that to selling to people. Urgh… I can’t seem to do it. I think part of the problem is that I am too direct, and often I get frustrated too easily (as highlighted in my article titled I’m a swinger lifestyle ambassador, but I’m fed up with hearing this one question.)
‘Here I made you this product; you want it or not?’
Ok, so I’m not that blunt, but it’s kind of my mentality.
I’m a very direct person who is also impatient. Not a great combination.
So what have I done to combat this? Well, I’ve started opening up about my life experiences, being more relatable, and demonstrating to people I’m just like you. I know how it feels, and I want to help you; here’s something I created that will help you (my starting swinging guides and my how-to-have a threesome workshop). I’ll get there… I just need to put myself in the position of my customers. I think the word is humility, right?
Email Automation
Or rather mail chimp. I swear to god that mail chimp is my nemesis. I remember when I first started working with my marketing manager, who logged into my mail chimp and said
‘Rosie, what IS all this?’
I looked at her rather sheepishly.
She jotted down ‘teach Rosie how to use mail chimp’ to her growing list of areas that need improving for thiskindagirl, and I must say, I have implemented what she has taught me. (if you sign up for my weekly emails, you will see what I’m talking about)
But have I found it easy to use? No! Do I wish I could just write the email and let someone else deal with it? Yes! Have I got enough money to pay someone? Nope…so Mailchimp it is!
Affiliate Marketing
When I first established my blog site, I asked a friend who ran a successful site about how I could monetise thiskindagirl. He suggested affiliate marketing. He told me how it worked, what I needed to do and how it could add to my income.
Dutifully, I followed the steps he taught me; I reached out to companies, signed up for affiliate schemes, began to cross-promote products and generally did all the right things. It has been a bit hit and miss, some products have worked, and I earn from them, whereas others have flopped like warm burger cheese.
‘Buy this dildo! No, oh ok, then.’
But do I enjoy it? Meh, sometimes. Do I wish I was better at it? Yes! Do I need help with it? For sure!
Managing My Time
This one comes as no surprise. I’m already known amongst my family and friends as someone who is ‘always at work.’ Before starting thiskindagirl, I lived and worked in central London, where the norms were 60-hour weeks and little to no work-life balance. I have been known as someone who prioritises her work above everything else; yes, I have a good work ethic, but it’s quite self-destructive. So when I started thiskindagirl, there was no one to tell me to take a day off, no one to check what ‘hours’ I was putting in and, left to my own devices, I worked, crashed, and burnt and found myself suffering from anxiety, unable to sleep and wholly absorbed in TKG.
Managing my time is something I still struggle with; it’s not that I don’t have enough motivation, but sometimes I have far too much and don’t allow for anything else in life! And sometimes, I become fixated on something, giving it all my all, only to fall flat, which is a massive waste of my time. But, I’m getting better, I think, slowly. But the problem is I love what I do, and when I’m away from it, I miss it.
Seeing My Value
This is a strange one. Because in some ways, I do, but at the same time, I suffer from imposter syndrome. I know that there’s no one else like me out there: Rosie Kay, Swinger lifestyle expert and open relationship coach. And I am proud of what I have achieved and continue to achieve. I am proud of the fact that I take people from absolute beginners to fully-fledged swingers. Me, I did that; I made that happen for them. So why then do I struggle to see my value?
Well, I believe it is rooted in the fact that no one ‘taught’ me how to become Rosie Kay. Sure I am a relationship coach, but there’s no course I undertook to become a swinger lifestyle expert.
My knowledge, insights and expertise, well, a lot of it is what I have learned myself over the last ten years, mainly by trial and error. Neither am I a trained writer, marketer or presenter.
Instead, I make it happen. I apply my Rosie Kayness. Do I value what I do, though? No, not always. Do I sometimes suffer from imposter syndrome? Absolutely! But I am working on this one too.
So, What Have I Achieved?
So you may be wondering if these are the things I have sucked at, what have I achieved? What have I accomplished over the last year? And what am I proud of?
Well, it’s simple, really, doing what I promised I would do.
I’m here to help people talk about their sexual needs openly so they can have meaningful and satisfying relationships built on trust and honesty, and explore their sexuality in a non-judgemental environment.
I’m always working toward banishing the stigma about Ethical Non-Monogamy and Swinger Lifestyle. I love what I do, and I feel incredibly fortunate to wake up every day and get stuck into work, just as long as that doesn’t involve excessive use of any of the things mentioned above that I suck at!
