Why Do People Start Swinging?
‘Wife Swapping’ ‘ Double Dating’ ‘Keys In A Bowl’. Swinging has many different names and connotations associated with it. From soft swap to full swap, there are numerous reasons as to why people start swinging, and in this post, I’m going to be asking why do couples swing? And I’ll offer some insight into why I, thiskindagirl.com started swinging. If your thinking about joining ‘the lifestyle’ but aren’t sure if it’s for you, why people start swinging might provide you with some answers!
It’s easy to assume that swingers are sex-crazy nymphomaniacs always looking to get their next swinger sex fix, and yes, I have to admit, I do have a large appetite when it comes to sex, but Im not lusting after everyone.
Many people falsely believe that swinger couples will have sex with anyone. Couples, singles, in orgies, bisexuals, straight people. Swingers will do it all, right?
Wrong! This is so very wrong! People start swinging for a variety of reasons, but them being sex-crazed maniacs is not one of them.
A question I am frequently asked, and I’m sure you will of heard this too, is;
‘Why do you swing? How can you love him if you have sex with other people?’
To answer this question, you have to delve deeper into the background surrounding the question. What is often misunderstood is that sex and love are the same. They are not, and will never be the same.
You can easily have sex without loving a person. In fact, I had sex on Friday night with a woman I have no desire to love, not even a little bit! Like her, sure, she’s great, but love? No way! So if the people with whom I swing with don’t get my love, who does?
That part is easy! My partner! He, and only he gets my love, affection and true intimacy.
Love takes time to build up. Falling in love, creating a shared intimacy, a private world of trust, desire, honesty; is unique. This ‘emotional exclusivity’ is reserved for my one and only.
Everything else ( swinger sex) is just sex. Sure you can, and should build up a connection, but nothing more than a like-minded friendship. So in terms of why do people start swinging, one reason is that swingers can and do, easily separate love and sex, and once you realise its possible, you are well on your way to becoming rock solid swingers! Of course the same applies for single swingers. When I was a unicorn, I had lots of excellent swinger sex, without wanting to form a romantic attachment to anyone I met. Like people, sure, have fun with them, but nothing more.
Over the years that I have been a swinger, I have discovered that the love I feel for my partner has become more profound, private and particular. Through swinging, we share a secret bond, which in turns, deepens our love.
Swinging provides a natural alternative to monogamy.
You know the song that goes ‘you and me baby ain’t nothing but mammals, so let’s do it like they do on the discovery channel.’
Well, let us think about this for a minute. What other mammals are monogamous? Can you name five? Sure, some mammals partner up for a short while, to raise young, but for the rest of their lives? Whilst forsaking all others?
Out of approximately 5,000 species of mammals, only 3–5% are monogamous. There are mammals, including gibbons ( that I have met whilst backpacking in India) that do pair bond for life; however, even they dont remain sexually exclusive… So why oh why do we humans place so much emphasis on being monogamous for life?
I could answer this, but I feel it would broach off subject entirely so I will condense it down.
Monogamy/ pair bonding provides a suitable environment for passing on your genes and raising your young. If you have selected a partner to procreate with, created strong bonds and nurtured an environment that is suitable for raising offspring, ( whether you choose to or not) you have succeeded in fulfilling your duty as a mammal.
However, those mammal instincts of wanting to breed and procreate with others dont just go away, and you may find yourself experiencing desires to have sex with others. This is completely normal. Bring bisexuality into the mix and woah… you have opened a whole new avenue of sexual adventure that is just itching to be explored. Can monogamy provide you with the answers?
Probably not.
Can swinging? Absolutely. When we swing, we are allowing those urges we all possess to have sex and experience sexual intimacy with others to be fulfilled in a way that is not in any way harmful to our chosen partner and the life we have built together. So, in conclusion, swinging can provide a natural alternative to monogamy, and this can be why many people choose to enjoy the lifestyle.
The Importance of Meeting Like-minded People
It came as a shock to me to learn that we choose our friends based not on who they are, but on how they support us. Are they like-minded? Do they share the same goals, aspirations and desires in life? Are they judgemental?
It’s not easy to digest, but it’s true. We surround ourselves with people who support us, validate, and dont judge us.
Swingers become swingers because they want to share their desires with other likeminded people. Being part of a community that is inclusive is so important to us humans. We want to feel accepted, have our beliefs affirmed and be given a chance to express ourselves.
Who better to do this than other swingers?
Swinging Deepens Bonds
It’s a strange concept, opening up your relationship to have a more intimate relationship with your partner. But this is how swinging works. It’s one reason why people start swinging in the first place.
Swinging comes from a place of love and trust and sharing your desires and intimate fantasies with your loved one. When you start to make these desires and fantasies a reality, you find yourselves in an elevated position.
Having conversations about your sexual urges and wants becomes natural. You won’t feel judged or ashamed to admit what you would like to experience as your partner is also able to open up and share their ideas with you. Reconnecting after swinging is vital to strengthening these bonds and sharing your thoughts allows you to discuss, explore and acknowledge your urges in a safe and nurturing environment. You only have to look at strong swinger couples to see how in love they are! The connection and understanding you create could never be replaced by someone who isn’t in the lifestyle. It simply wouldn’t work.
People Swing To Explore Their Sexuality
As you may have gathered, I identify as bisexual.
Now, although S is a great boyfriend, lover, submissive and partner in swinging crime, he is not, and will never be a woman. And thiskindagirl loves to play with women! So what’s a girl to do? Hide my sexual urges and who I am all in the name of monogamy?
Never!
Explore and embrace my bisexuality through swinging, together, with S?
For sure!
It works the other way round too, if a guy identifies as bisexual, exploring that together can be an amazing journey. The fact that your able to be open and honest about sexuality is something that should be nurtured within swinging couples, and is one reason why people start swinging.
People Swing to Fulfil Their Kinks and Fetishes
There are many different ways to have sex; there are no pre-written rules that dictate you must do it this way or that. And if there were any rules, then I’m afraid I wasn’t listening!
Sometimes having sex, or enjoying sexual acts with others, forms part of your kinks and fetishes. And fulfilling these desires, together, through swinging is another reason why people enjoy the lifestyle. This, in turn, strengthens the bonds between you! If it’s your fantasy to see your man giving another woman oral sex while you peg him, whilst you wear your thigh-high boots ( oops I think I just gave you an insight into the inner workings of my mind) then make it happen! If not, it will forever be a fantasy!
Why I Started Swinging
I have been in ‘the lifestyle’ for several years now, and when I think back to how it started, it was most certainly to fulfil my bisexual needs. As I discovered and learnt more about human nature, I became fascinated by non-monogamy. After experiencing the joy of reconnecting after swinging, as well as compersion, I knew that it was a lifestyle I wanted to be fully involved with.
In conclusion, people start swinging for a variety of different reasons. Not everyone is following the same path, and what some couples and singles enjoy is entirely different from what you may enjoy. Some people start swinging as they want to watch others having sex, and spying on their vanilla neighbours would get them arrested. However, watching couples having sex within the comfort of a swingers party is a safe, inclusive environment. Others like to be watched, and again, this desire can be made a reality by attending swinging clubs and parties where you can surround yourself with others who enjoy your kinks!
Some people like to watch their wives having sex with other men, and again this is easily achievable in a swingers club!
I have said it before, and I will repeat it. There are no right and wrongs ways to swing and why people start swinging is usually a combination of reasons.
