It’s Got Nothing To Do With Dick Size, This Is Why Some Men Have More Success In Swinger Clubs

Rosie Kay aka ThisKindaGirl
6 min readMar 10, 2023

Success in Swinger Clubs?

It’s nothing physical!- by Rosie Kay

It’s got nothing to do with dick size, chest size, salary or what a man drives. Neither has it anything to do with how much he paid for his ticket, what clubs he has been to before or how many people he’s slept with.

When it comes to why do some men have more success in Swinger Clubs? (and I hear this question a lot) in my experience, it boils down to a few factors, and none of them, as you have probably guessed, have anything to do with the above.

confidence doesn’t mean arrogant, entitled or cocky. It means charming, respectful and charismatic.

Confidence and How To Display It

Confidence makes a man stand out to women.

And in a swingers club, if you are approaching a couple, you need to be confident as a single man. And heres a heads up, confidence doesn’t mean arrogant, entitled or cocky. It means charming, respectful and charismatic.

Don’t just hit on the woman and ignore the guy. Chat with both parties and be respectful of him! Understand that they are attending the party as a couple, and their relationship comes first. You have to follow their rules and if that means soft swap only, then either follow this or find a couple who do want to engage in a full swap.

It’s attractive when a man has confidence. A man who can charm both men and women, flirt and make them feel comfortable is very attractive. Just because a man is charming with another man, it doesn’t mean he’s gay or bi, either.

It simply means he’s charismatic and confident, regardless of his sexuality. Be more than just a muscly body or a big dick. Bring your personality to the party.

How A Single Man Should Approach A Couple

When you see a swinger couple who you like the look of, before you even go and talk to them, you need to shift the focus away from the end result! What do I mean by this? By shifting the direction, you take the pressure off yourself and can relax and engage with a couple naturally.

By displaying that you are easy to talk to, approachable and friendly, naturally people will gravitate towards you.

This really works by the way! Stop thinking and overthinking about the outcome, and just enjoy chatting. If you present yourself as an outgoing, chatty, secure person, who doesn’t even mention the word sex, then you will get much further! Why? Because you demonstrate to them you are secure, outgoing, and approachable. You have to show them you have confidence and charm. And that, my friends, is very sexy indeed!

What you should say to swingers- conversation starters

  1. Themselves! People love talking about themselves; ask them about themselves, and even the most reserved person will open up. Questions that allow the person answering to offer an insight into their emotions are the best for this. For example, ‘why did you choose this particular club?’ ‘How did going to a nudist beach make you feel?’ ‘what are you both hoping to get out of swinging?’ ‘Does wearing that corset make you feel sexy?’ whatever questions you ask, make sure they spark interest!
  2. Their spouse/ partner/ friend/ whoever they are in attendance with. ‘How did you guys meet? You look great together, whats the best thing about her?’ again, people love talking about themselves and their loved ones, so ask away!
  3. The club or party. You can discuss how you all found it, what your first impressions are, whether you have been to any more, have seen that couple’s private playroom? What have you seen advertised online? Find out what other swinging options are out there, and share your thoughts!
  4. Experience! Always the most important topic to discuss, but sometimes the hardest! After asking whether a couple has been to the party before, you can generally gauge how experienced they are. Without asking them to divulge their innermost fantasies to you, if you are considering playing with them, you need to know what their level of play is. I usually volunteer the information first by keeping it simple and stating what I/ we don’t like, followed by what we do. I find that once I have been open and honest, most couples are likely to share with you.

How To Build Your Confidence

Get into the habit of talking to everyone, regardless of whether you find them attractive or not, display confidence and charisma.

The first thing you should do is get into that mindset of ‘I deserve to be here, and I’m going to tailor this event, party, or whatever it is to how I want it.’ Remember that you and you alone are in charge of your experiences, who you meet, who you socialise with, who you don’t, what you experience.

Don’t be tempted to scuttle in and find a dark corner or stick yourself to the wall.

Breeze in, with your head held high. And smile. Don’t display any closed-off body language, don’t cross your arms over your body, sit in a relaxed and open posture, with your wrists facing upwards. Get into the habit of talking to everyone, regardless of whether you find them attractive or not, display that you are friendly and approachable to each and every person there. Even if you usually would never be this sociable, you will soon relax into the event by getting in the habit of making conversation and being polite and friendly. By displaying that you are easy to talk to, approachable and friendly, naturally people will gravitate towards you.

How To Let Someone Know You Are Interested

Ok, so you are saying the right things to a couple, engaging with them both, flirting, and being respectful and you are pretty sure they are interested. But how do you let them know this without coming off too strong? How do you let someone know you are interested and want to play without saying rather bluntly, ‘So are we going to fuck?’

You have to show that you are interested, but you have other options and are not ‘desperate’ to play with them. All too many times, I have seen couples and singles desperately ‘cling’ to fellow swingers simply because they are talking to them.

What you should do instead, and I teach this to my clients, is pay the other people a compliment, plant a seed and move on.

‘I/ we think you guys are great, and we have enjoyed chatting. I/we will explore the club a little and check out the playrooms; perhaps I/we will see each other later?

If the other people want to play with you, they will know where to find you, and later on, if you meet other people and play with them instead, they should have moved faster to come and find you! And if they meet someone else and get busy playing with them, then the dynamic wasn’t right for them. Either way, you are casting your net wide as you are not simply honing in on the only people who you start talking to.

What Kind Of Sex Are Swingers Expecting In A Club?

Feeling under ‘pressure’ to perform is damaging, especially for male swingers. If you have never been to a club or swingers party, then there’s a good chance that in your mind, the expectation on you to be hard and remain hard is a given. Let me clarify a few things; firstly, no one has sex for hours on end. You can play with other people for a time, stop, grab a drink, chat, meet other people, play with them, and then relax again. I’ve never been to a party where it’s been straight down to business, sex, solid for 4 hours!

In a club, it’s pretty much the same; you chat, you have sex, you have a drink, you have sex again.

Over the years, I have begun to appreciate that you don’t have to have penetrative sex at a swingers party to have a great time. If you know that you will struggle to maintain your erection, and are concerned about not being able to satisfy your play partners, then become great at other forms of sex and intimacy.

--

--

Rosie Kay aka ThisKindaGirl

💕Swinger Lifestyle Expert 💯Open Relationship Coach 🗝️Unlock The Lifestyle With Me 👇🏻Use the link to start your journey https://thiskindagirl.co.uk/links/